


Seduce me to the Underworld

by TheBlackBirdEyelinerKing



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Alternate Universe - Professors, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Light Angst, Literature, M/M, POV Sirius Black, Professor Remus Lupin, Professor Sirius Black, Psychology, Sexual Content, University
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:40:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26156647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBlackBirdEyelinerKing/pseuds/TheBlackBirdEyelinerKing
Summary: “I think I’m falling through the cracks in the tissue of the Earth,” he said. “Sometimes. And then I reach out, reach towards the sun in a desperate attempt to grasp the light. It seems like the sun mocks me, though. It mocks me in return. I want the sun, so desperately, that it makes it laughable.”The class remained silent.“And then, then when I watch the sun shine so high above me, blinding me, I cry. I cannot cry, otherwise, since otherwise I’m too numb to do so. All I feel is the gravity, pulling on me, trying to seduce me to the underworld, the core of this rotten planet, and I wonder- I wonder, if I could fall through the cracks in the tissue of the world. I wonder if that is what happens, when one of my two feet missteps on my thin line of sanity.”-Dr. Prof. Sirius Black, Psychology lecturer at Cambridge University, is a married, and closeted gay man. He isn’t unhappy, per se, but once Professor Lupin crashes one of his lectures, something is ignited, something neither of them are familiar with, and neither of them know how to solve with the help of a book.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 30
Kudos: 69





	1. Maslow and Symbolism

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! Thank you so much for taking the time and clicking on my story. Do read it. I put a lot of effort in it.
> 
> Little disclaimer: 
> 
> 1\. I don't own Harry Potter or its characters, naturally, since I'm not JK nor idk Dreamworks 
> 
> 2\. I'm not a psychologist, nor someone that knows more about literature than your neigbourhood nerd. If what I write feels like nonsense to you, big chance that it is indeed nonsense. I tried my best to make it non nonsense, though.
> 
> 3\. Idk man just go read the fic.. I didn't wanna stop at 2? Looked empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Thank you so much for taking the time and clicking on my story. Do read it. I put a lot of effort in it.
> 
> Little disclaimer: 
> 
> 1\. I don't own Harry Potter or its characters, naturally, since I'm not JK nor idk Dreamworks 
> 
> 2\. I'm not a psychologist, nor someone that knows more about literature than your neigbourhood nerd. If what I write feels like nonsense to you, big chance that it is indeed nonsense. I tried my best to make it non nonsense, though.
> 
> 3\. Idk man just go read the fic.. I didn't wanna stop at 2? Looked empty.

# Seduce me to the Underworld

### Chapter 1: Maslow and Symbolism

“I think I’m falling through the cracks in the tissue of the Earth,” he said. “Sometimes. And then I reach out, reach towards the sun in a desperate attempt to grasp the light. It seems like the sun mocks me, though. It mocks me in return. I want the sun, so desperately, that it makes it laughable.”

The class remained silent.

“And then, then when I watch the sun shine so high above me, blinding me, I cry. I cannot cry, otherwise, since otherwise I’m too numb to do so. All I feel is the gravity, pulling on me, trying to seduce me to the underworld, the core of this rotten planet, and I wonder- I wonder, if I could fall through the cracks in the tissue of the world. I wonder if that is what happens, when one of my two feet missteps on my thin line of sanity.” Dr. Prof. Black took a sharp breath in, as his grey eyes scanned the students in front of him. Some were touched, it seemed, some were looking at the sun. Others were uninterested, though they always were. “This is what a young man once told me during therapy. I wrote it down, and I asked him if I could read it to you. I see varying reactions, and am wondering what you are thinking of what could have been happening to this patient of mine. Hands up, please?”

A blonde girl in the back of the classroom raised her hand, and Professor Black nodded at her. She stood up from her spot, and wiped a tear away. She was the annoying, overachieving type. “I think that first of all, that was beautiful,” she said. “It’s obvious this man was in a lot of pain, so much pain that he started doubting life, and reality itself, perhaps. The need to reach for the sun comes from the darkness he feels within.”

“Yes, I think most of us got that,” Professor Black said. He stood up from the desk and put his hands together. “But I’m looking for more. Who can give me more?”

A handsome boy, with a bush of black curls, stood up. He wasn’t an overachiever. He _had_ tried to get in Sirius’ pants numerous times, though. “Maybe he’s psychotic?” he said. “Feeling as though the sun is mocking you, and the gravity is pulling you to its rotten core could be signs of paranoia and even narcissism.”

“Interesting theory, though a little aggressive,” the Professor said. “Basing this big of a diagnosis on less than a minute long quote. That is a little rushed, Mr. Scott, but I like how you thought outside of the box, and I did ask for thoughts.” He looked around the class, everyone still silent. “Does anyone have another theory? No one?”

A voice was cleared, by the opening of the door, and there stood a man of his age, with sandy-blonde hair, and tired eyes. His sweater-vest was worn out, and the collar of his shirt ruffled. Everyone in the University knew him. He was a brilliant teacher. “Forgive me, I couldn’t help but overhear your lecture Professor Black,” he said. Even his voice showed the man’s exhaustion. That Sirius only noticed it then, confirmed how little the two of them spoke. “It was quite beautiful. May I give answering your question a try?”

Professor Black gave the man a nod, and from the shadows of the doorway, he stepped inside the classroom. “I believe that this young man is far from insane, or psychotic, or narcissistic,” he spoke. He crossed his arms, and held his stubbled chin in his hand. “In fact, I think he sees the world, and the suffering in it too clearly. I think none of us in this room would ever suggest that, besides its charm, this world is pleasant for the majority of people. Perhaps, this young man saw this suffering in his own life, or in that of others, and could not fathom it. Or perhaps fathom he did, and it broke him.”

Sirius swallowed, though he smiled sadly. The lines that started at the ends of his eyes got clearer as the smile widened. “Perhaps,” he said. “Yes. Beautiful, Professor Lupin. Thank you.”

Professor Lupin gave a nod, and lowered his hand from his chin. All that time, he hadn’t as much as glanced at the class filled with intrigued students. Odd, in Sirius’ eyes. “May I sit out the rest of your lecture, Professor?”

“Of course,” Sirius said. He gave him one last smile of acknowledgement, before returning his attention to the class. “I believe my colleague, Professor Lupin, said it wonderfully. Sometimes, the comprehension of reality is what breaks a person. It is sad, but it’s true. On the contrary to this particular patient of mine, it’s actually a very common phenomenon within humans, that to protect oneself, we forget the suffering of others. Does anyone know where this phenomenon might come from? Yes, Mr. Smith.”

“Perhaps primal instinct of survival? Prioritising on one’s own problems, over that of a stranger, in order to have more.”

“Very good, yes,” Sirius said. He paced a few steps, before standing still again. “Yes, our basic instinct of survival. Can anyone tell me what the very most basic needs are?”

“According to Maslow’s hierarchy, Professor?”

“Yes, please,” Sirius answered, waving his hand. “It is in the syllabus, after all.”

“Then it would be food, water, warmth and rest.”

“Very good. Food, water, warmth and rest,” Sirius said. “Now, anyone that is dying of dehydration would drink a bottle of water handed to him, no matter the dehydrating person beside him. Perhaps with very few exceptions, such as motherly love. Do we agree?”

The room nodded, and hummed.

“The same counts with starvation, body temperature, and sleep-deprivation,” Sirius said. “Now, once we have food and water in our bellies, a blanket around our shoulders, and a good night’s rest; what do we want next?”

“Again, according to Maslow, Professor?”

“Yes, Kyle, according to Maslow,” Professor Black said, signalling with his hand for the boy to get on with it.

“Safety, Professor,” he said. “Protection.”

“Very good!” Professor Black said. “We protect ourselves. We build houses, weapons. We strategize and find ways to fend off predators. Good, and then?”

“Love.”

“Excellent. We want to belong to a group. We want to have friends, family, lovers,” Professor Black said, his eyes found Professor Lupin’s for a short second, as he started pacing again. “And then?”

“We want to validate ourselves by being better than others.”

“Despicable, yet true,” Professor Black said. “Once we have someone we love, we want prestige. Although some people do put the value of prestige over that of love, proving that a theory is called a theory for a reason. Next?”

“Self-fulfillment needs, such as hobbies.”

“Exactly,” Professor Black said, pointing at the girl in front. “And that is the theory of primal, human needs. Once we have settled our basic necessities, we keep wanting more and more. And to achieve our daily hour of watercolouring, we have built the society we live in today.” Professor Black stopped pacing, and instead lay his hand in front of his mouth, as he thought of the next thing he wanted to say. “Now, once someone stops trying to climb up this never ending pyramid, that is when someone becomes particularly interesting to a psychologist or psychiatrist. This particular young man understood society, understood the human instinct of wanting more and more, and it pained him to exist, to fathom, to live and breathe. It pained him so much that he stopped trying to climb up this hierarchy. He talked to me about it, that his pain paralysed him in such a way that at times he could barely walk.” A hand was raised in the air.

“How would you diagnose such a man, Professor?”

Professor Black smiled wryly and put his hands in his pockets. “I didn’t make a diagnosis,” he answered. “And I advise you all to be less eager to know about diagnosing, and instead be more interested in listening. If you listen to respond, you aren’t truly listening to your patient, while good listening is the greatest virtue a therapist can have.” He looked up at the clock, and turned around to pick up a stack of paper. “I’m afraid our time is almost up. Though I promise we’ll resume this talk during the next lecture. I’d like you all to come get one of the hand-outs, and write a two thousand word essay on Maslow’s hierarchy; how to apply it, but also whether you agree with the theory or not. With that being said, be critical of your own opinion. Why should we be critical of our own opinion?”

“Because an opinion is an opinion-”

“And nót a fact,” Professor Black ended. “Very good. Now all of you grab one of these- And do not all bombard me at once. Make a line for a change. Thank you.” The Professor’s eyes darted to where once Professor Lupin had stood, listening to the end of his lecture. The head of the English department had vanished, though, and had left the wall in it’s boring shade of red brick.

“Professor?”

“Hmmyes?” Professor Black turned his head again, to a red-haired girl called Josephine. “Yes, Miss Jones.”

“Is the paper for a grade?”

“Oh, for the love of God.” He pressed a hand-out in the girl's paws, and sighed. “Whether the paper will be graded or not, will be revealed once you’ve already turned the paper in. How about that? A little psychological experiment, just for the sake of it.”

A lot of groans erupted from the students that lingered in the classroom, and Sirius couldn’t help but laugh. “Blame Miss Jones,” Sirius said. “She was the one who asked.”

* * *

Dr. Prof. Black rarely spoke to Prof. Lupin. The English professor was a bit of a lone wolf. He always sat alone during his lunches, and spent most nights in his office to read. He barely went to any functions, safe for those too important to miss, and he never, not once, greeted him in the hall-ways. There had been glances, though. He had seen Lupin stare from across the cafeteria, or the faculty room. Sirius had ignored them, figuring it was a coincidence. He didn’t long to avoid Lupin any longer, though. He saw Lupin standing in the cafeteria line, holding a platter, and waiting his turn. Professor Black joined the line, at the end of it. Everyone that read his books, knew Remus Lupin was extraordinary. Lupin wasn’t a traditional type of Professor. Au contraire. He was modern, innovating, daring. Critics loved him, students even more. Yet, there he stood in the cafeteria line, like he wasn’t extraordinary at all.

Once Sirius acquired his platter of food, he couldn’t help himself but approach the man sitting alone at the far end of the table reading a novel. “Professor Lupin!” he said, causing the man to look up from his book.

“Ah… Professor Black. Hello.”

“May I?” Sirius asked, nodding at the seat at the opposite seat of the table.

“It’s not taken.”

Sirius sat himself and his platter down. The wooden benches were a horror for anyone over the age of thirty-five. The psychology professor shifted in his seat and picked up a fork. “You never told me what you thought about the lecture, Professor.”

“Was I expected to, Doctor?” Professor Lupin asked him.

“Not per se,” he answered.

“Well, then,” Lupin smiled. “No reason to get into it. Just a man watching the work of another.” Lupin took a sip of what seemed like heavily creamed tea and held it in his hands.

“Hm.” Sirius was very much unnerved by the answer of the other man. They had only conversed a handful of times, which had been mostly shallow chit-chat at faculty meetings. He knew next to nothing about Professor Lupin, safe for the fact that he was a best-selling author, beloved teacher, and father of a young son. “We never really got the chance to get to know each other.”

“Oh, but we did,” Professor Lupin answered. “At every function, meeting or lunch that we were both at.”

“You’re very ‘cut the bull-shit’, aren’t you, Professor?”

“Perhaps,” he answered. A smile lingered on the man’s chapped lips, before he brought the cup back up for another sip. “You must forgive me. I’m sometimes a bit of a debater.”

“Ah,” Sirius said. He put a potato in his mouth and chewed with his finger in front of his lips. “Hm… Well, a debate is always good for reflection and humility, don’t you agree?”

“You seem to teach that, as well,” Lupin said. “Very good of you, especially in your trade.”

“Thank you,” Black said. His gaze lingered on the tired eyes of the man opposite from him, a field of some sort of tension growing. He dragged his eyes down to Lupin’s hands resting on the oak table. He saw the golden ring around his ring-finger. Dr. Prof. Black had one of those himself. “How come we have not spoken before?”

“I’ve had my reasons.”

“I see.” Sirius contemplated his options for a while, but once he decided staying at the table with Lupin was not an option he picked up his tray again. “Good day, Professor.” He walked around the table and he passed the other man. Perhaps there was a reason Lupin always ate alone.

* * *

Weeks passed in which Professor Black taught his classes, corrected papers, and went to his daughter’s hockey games. He went home most nights, lay in bed with his wife. They didn’t sleep together often, though, and when they did rarely anything would happen. Their marriage had never been a true marriage to begin with. In fact, they never loved each other at all. As friends, they got along. It didn’t matter, though. Sirius had wanted to build a career in the field of psychiatry, maybe one day go into politics, and Marlene had wanted to become a judge. There was only one way their esteemed families knew how to deal with their children’s perversion, and that was marriage. And there was only one reason the two of them kept up their little charade, and that was their four children.

After a long night at the theater to watch his youngest in a school play, Professor Black drove his Mercedes to the University building to pick up the exams from the day before. Nothing quite helped him sleep as much as grading did. He clicked the button on his key to close the car, and just as he turned around did he see Professor Lupin at the car beside his. A jolt of excitement shot through him, even though he had no idea why. Perhaps, something about Lupin attracted him, urged him to come closer. It could also be nervousness, considering Professor Lupin wasn’t one to hold back critique. “Evening, Professor,” Sirius said. He looked up at the cloudy heaven above him and wondered if it was going to rain. “Still here at this hour?”

“As are you,” Professor Lupin answered. He opened his car, and put his briefcase in. “What brought you here?”

“I came to pick up some exams,” Sirius said. “Nothing quite as soothing as late night grading, don’t you think?”

“I can think of a number of things, actually,” Lupin answered. He looked around the parking lot, as if to check no one was around, before he straightened his coat and gave Sirius a polite smile. “Well, I have to get going. My wife is waiting for me.”

“Right. Good night, Professor.”

“Good night.”

Their eyes met, and Lupin lingered. His tongue went over his lip as they stared at one another, and it felt like eternity, before he finally sat down in the driver’s seat and drove away.

Sirius watched the car leave, somewhat intrigued by the strange meeting. He tapped his key against his thigh, nodded to accept the strange scene that just occured, and turned around to go to the entrance. He felt the first drips of rain fall down upon his skin. In more haste, he swiped his card key, and typed in the code for the alarm. Just as he opened the door to hide from the rapidly intensifying rain, Lupin’s old sedan sped across the parking lot, and stopped right in the middle of the open space. Lupin stepped out, the engine still humming, and he almost ran towards Sirius so fast Sirius’ mind could barely catch up. He felt a tight grip on his wrist, another hand on the back of his neck, and he was pulled into a kiss that stopped the time. Their teeth bumped, and it hurt a bit, but after the hiccup the kiss was magical. Lupin’s lips moved him, brought him back to life, and there was nothing, nothing that could break them apart. Sirius parted his lips, letting Lupin’s tongue in as he clung onto Lupin's old coat. He tasted like chocolate and coffee, smelled like cheap deodorant and dust. His lips were perfect, warm, whilst the rain chilled him so. Sirius moaned, pulling Lupin closer since he didn’t want the kiss to stop.

  
Lupin had pulled back eventually, lingering above him for a moment longer, panting little clouds of warm, chocolatey breath. He stepped away, at last, his eyes dark and a faint smile on his wet lips. He huffed a laugh, shaking his head as he wiped some rain from his face. “Professor Black,” he chuckled. Lupin’s smile widened, as he walked backwards to his car. “I liked the lecture, very much. It was very good, actually”

“Ah.” Sirius ran a hand over his face as well, laughing. He was baffled, confused, and a little disappointed the kiss had ended. He tore his eyes away from the man by the car, and let out a chuckle of nervosity. “Thank you.”

“Well...” Professor Lupin lay his hand on the open car door, and looked down. “Nice talking to you, Doctor.”

“You too, Professor.” And in a state of complete amazement, he watched Lupin’s car drive away for a second time that night, this time in the storming rain.

* * *

Sirius didn’t see him again, after that. It was like he disappeared. He was no longer in the cafeteria. He didn’t run into him once in the hallways. His old sedan wasn’t at the faculty parking lot. He was nowhere to be seen, and for a moment Sirius started to believe the meeting at the parking lot had been a psychosis. It wasn’t until he walked outside in the courtyard and he heard the tired Welsh accent of Professor Lupin echo through a lecture hall, that he knew that it wasn’t. It wasn’t.

He peaked through the open window that carried the sound and saw that the classroom packed. Sirius put his briefcase down on the ground, and did something he wasn’t sure his aging body could still do; he sat down on the windowsill and flung his legs inside.

Of course, Lupin still looked the same. He didn't know why he had expect Lupin to look differently. Perhaps his ashy-blond hair was a little messier, and perhaps he was wearing a different jumper, but he was still the same. Sirius frowned as he listened to the lecture. He had no idea what Lupin was talking about at all. He knew he crashed near the end of the lecture, but the mere sound of Professor Lupin's voice was enough to engross him.

“They find it superfluous, and therefore would rather stick to more realistic and simple writing! In fact, symbolism arose as a reaction against naturalism and realism. Now, can anybody tell me around what time the art movement ‘symbolism’ arose? Yes, young man in the back.”

“In literature, the movement arose around the year 1850, Professor. The Symbolist Manifesto was published in 1886, though, after the first artists started exploring it.”

“Very good!” Lupin said, pointing his pen at the student. “Indeed it arose around the 1850’s. Can anyone give me an example of symbolism in literature, please?”

“Oscar Wilde, sir?”

“Oscar Wilde himself is not an example of literature, Katie, unless I missed the memo.”

“I mean his work, sir: in the Picture of Dorian Gray, in which the painting of him is a reflection of his soul.”

“Ah.” Lupin held his chin in his hand for a moment, and sat down at the edge of his desk. His eyes scanned the classroom, and found Sirius’. “Now, I understand your confusion, and thank you for giving this a try. You made a mistake that offers me the oppurtunity to teach you all something very important. You see, what you’re describing is a common misconception. Symbolism is about perception, and perception only. Now, let’s say that I were to write about a marriage between two people, yes? And I mention a ring being taken off. Now, a ring can mean a myriad of things.” He stood up again, and started pacing on his small podium. “A ring can symbolise family. It can symbolise faithfulness. It can symbolise captivity, as well. Now, when I’m writing about this ring, I know what I want it to symbolise. I won’t write it down literally, though, being a true symbolist. I let the meaning be known through perception! Now that is the difference between true symbolism and motifs. Dorian’s picture is the perfect example of a motive! A motive is a literary device to inform the reader on the major themes in the story.” Lupin took a deep breath. “Whilst symbolism derives from details; messages so well hidden in the literature or painting that it could easily be overlooked. Summarised: Symbols are less important items with hidden meaning that are little to not explained at all, whilst motives are items of big significance to major themes. Do we all understand?”

The class nodded in approval, and so Lupin went on. Lupin wasn’t very energetic per se. He wasn’t jumping up and down like Sirius sometimes was. He didn’t swing his arms around. He didn’t shout. In fact, he talked softly, yet passionately. His eyes sparkled, his words were carefully thought out, and the students were hanging at his lips. Professor Lupin went on and on about the Symbolist movement until the time ran out.

Sirius smiled to himself as he let Professor Lupin’s lecture sink in. He had a meeting to attend that he was probably already late for. He rubbed his stubble and was about to swing his legs back when Lupin came to him.

“Professor Black.”

“Professor Lupin!” Sirius said. He was halfway through swinging his legs,and in quite the uncomfortable position. He decided to spread his legs instead: one outside, one inside. “I hope you didn’t mind me crashing your lecture. I was walking past and I couldn’t help myself.”

“I didn’t mind at all.” Lupin took a deep breath and put his hands in his pockets. “Who knew you were interested in symbolism?”

“It is now my absolute favourite thing,” Black answered. He smiled at the other man, enjoying their comfortable silence, before slapping his own thigh. “Well then! Back to work we go.” He grunted, as he swung his other leg back, but just as he was about to stand up, Lupin stopped him with an iron grip on his upper arm.

“Professor Black… I-”

“Yes?”

“About the other night…”

“Yes?”

“I’m married.”

Sirius sat back down, and took a deep breath. “You kissed me, Professor Lupin.”

“Yes, I know. I’m no amnesiac,” Lupin sighed. The iron grip softened, and instead his hand ran up to Sirius’ shoulder where it rested.

“Then what is your point?”

“My point?” Lupin repeated. Lupin looked around, to check if anyone was eavesdropping, before he continued. “My point is that I want you, but that I can’t have you, since I prefer seeing myself as an honest man.” Lupin’s hand slid back down, and he put it on his hip. “You make it hard for me, though. Incredibly hard.”

“Do I?”

“Don’t tease,” Lupin said, the corner of his mouth twitching up.

“Hm.” Sirius diverted his eyes away from Lupin, and finally stood up with a tired grunt. “Well, I wasn’t kidding when I said I had to get back to work. My department is waiting for me, or - knowing them- they have started without me. Either way, I have to leave.” Sirius bent forward to pick up his suitcase, when Lupin stepped closer to the window.

“Professor Black?”

“Yes?” Sirius straightened up again, brushing his dark locks away from his face.

“Has anyone ever told you how beautiful your eyes are?”

Sirius huffed, smiling at the ground as a blush crept up his cheeks. “Not in a long while, no.”

“They are." Lupin took a step backwards again, smiling.

“Thank you, Mr. Lupin,” Sirius said. He wanted to start walking again, but turned around, and stalked back to the window. He gripped the wooden frame, and said Lupin's name to catch his attention. When the latter turned around, with a raised eyebrow, Sirius said, "You keep saying you have your reasons, and that you consider yourself an honest man, but that cannot be why you avoid me."

Lupin smirked, fluttering his eyelashes. He leaned against one of the student desks, rubbing his cheek in thought. "He shall never know how I love him; and that not because he's handsome, but because he's more myself than I am."

"Ah. Emily Bronte." Sirius pressed his lips together, letting the words sink in. "Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same."

Lupin nodded.

"I see." Sirius took a deep breath. "Well then... Drive me mad, Professor Lupin. But do not leave me in this abyss where I can not find you."

Lupin covered his mouth with his hand, as he looked at Sirius. He remained silent for a while, finally stood up. He frowned, crossed his arms as he thought. "Hm." His golden eyes met Sirius' grey ones, and there were tears welling in his. "You burn too bright for this world."

"Finally something we agree on."

Lupin laughed. He shook his head, and turned his face away. "Apparently, so."

"Good day, Professor.

"Yes, Sirius. You, too."


	2. Vodka, Dickens and the Door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER TWO let's go.
> 
> Second and final chapter of this short story. Little different from the first chapter, but well.. What do we expect? We don't expect a copy, now do we? Do enjoy it!!! I hope you like it :))

# Seduce me to the Underworld

### Chapter 2: Vodka, Dickens and the Door.

Lupin twirled his own vodka around in his glass, looking at it before bringing the glass to his lips. “Yeah…” he sighed into the glass, letting it echo a bit. He set it down on the table once it was empty again and sat back against the cushion. The bottle of vodka was half full. Lupin had ordered the entire bottle, and to be fair they didn’t mind drinking it.

“Pour me some more, will you?” Sirius asked. He offered his glass and let Lupin fill it. Of course some was spilled on Sirius’ hand, which Sirius licked off. Only when he lifted his eyes again, did he notice Lupin watching him. Sirius grinned once he saw the arousal in his darkening eyes and purposely licked off his thumb.

Lupin gripped the table, fingernails digging in the dark wood of the booth’s table. It was a blessing the pub was as good as empty.

Sirius scooted closer to Lupin, and took Lupin’s chin in his hand. He examined the thin lips, chapped, red from the alcohol and the high temperature in the bar. His eyes went up to meet Lupin’s. They were hungry, dangerous. He moved his hand to cup his cheek, and watched him move closer, so their faces were just an inch away. Sirius could smell the alcohol on his breath, could smell the cheap cologne and his old clothes. He wanted closer, more, so he closed the gap between them by pushing Lupin’s lips against his own.

Lupin breathed out a moan and pulled Sirius closer by his jacket. His hand shot up to his salt and pepper curls. He pulled on them, making Sirius’ cock twitch. Lupin kissed him again and again, bit his lip, teased his mouth by exploring it, and within seconds both were panting. He pulled back, to press sloppy kisses against Sirius’ stubbled jaw and neck. He sucked, bit down, earning a praising moan and hard tugging on his already messy hair. “Come to the car with me,” he panted in Sirius’ ear, before licking it. “I want you. I want you so bad, Sirius.”

Sirius nodded, his hands still clutching Lupin’s shabby clothes. He finally let go when Lupin shifted to stand up, and ran a hand across his face. His mind was buzzing from the alcohol, and the long day at work. If it hadn’t been for that long day they wouldn’t have been in the pub in the first place. It was the end of the semester, after all, and their previous Headmaster, an old man with a long beard and piercing blue eyes had stepped down due to severe illness. The man hadn’t been very important for the University, though. In fact, all he did was nod, hum and be present at functions. The staff preferred his silence to his delusional speeches.  
At last he retired and made place for a younger man.  
The staff had been slightly anxious, frightened of a more structured reign. They had all gathered in the great hall, upon demand of the board. A bar had been set up, food was being served. No one had dressed up more than they did for a normal work day except for the new Headmaster, it seemed. The glib man had walked up the stage and had gripped the microphone so steadily it almost seemed like he was about to perform a rock song. To Sirius’ disappointment he didn’t. Instead he had cleared his throat and taken out a couple of cards.

“Professor Black.”

Sirius had turned his head, to look up into the tired eyes of Remus Lupin. He had smiled, taken a sip from his cognac, and turned his attention to their new supervisor again. “Professor Lupin,” he answered. They had both stood in the far corner by the bar, hidden from some of the more chatty lecturers. If the function hadn’t been mandatory, the both of them would have probably been in their offices instead.

“-an honour to be in this magnificent building with all of you. This University has become one of the greatest in the world, which I applaud you and the late Dr. Professor Dumbledore for. It is truly remarkable what you have accomplished together.”

“American…” Professor Lupin had remarked.

“Sweet home Alabama, so it seems.”

“Ah, the accent, yes.” Lupin had taken a deep breath in. His arm had been touching Sirius’ shoulder.

“He seems oddly young to be headmaster, don’t you think?” Sirius laughed, and he brought the glass to his lips again. He had only taken a small sip, before twirling the honey coloured liquor around in his glass for lack of better entertainment.

“Yes,” he had whispered back. “Or perhaps we have gotten too old.”

“Can’t be.”

“No?” Lupin teased.

“No.”

“Therefore I find it amazing, just amazing to be working together with all of you. You have so much knowledge, experience, and talent. I can’t wait to start this journey with you all.”

“I need a drink,” Lupin had breathed out.

“Get one,” Sirius said. He lifted his glass to accentuate his point.

Lupin was right of course. There was no way in the world they could have lived through the horror of that speech without any form of sedation. “In my forty-five years on this earth I have come to the conclusion that I no longer want to waste my time listening to pompous air-heads and empty conversation with people I have nothing in common with. How about we get out of here, hmmm?”

Sirius had turned his head, scoffing a laugh, as he looked at Lupin wide-eyed. There had been a sparkle of mischief glistening in the golden eyes, a sparkle that contrasted with the heavy bags and grooves of age surrounding them. “Really?”

“Really.”

“Well, you don’t have to ask me twice.” Sirius downed the last of his cognac, and put it back on the bar. “On y va.”

That is how they ended up drinking their heads off at seven pm at a small bar in a forgotten part of Cambridge that reeked of piss and alcohol. It had been enough for them, though. Sirius, nor Remus needed a lot from their surroundings once they had liquor and good company. The bar and its shady owner had been forgotten by the time they sat down.

Sirius stumbled from their booth and took the bottle of vodka from the table. He patted his pockets to check if he had everything. It didn’t really matter since his drunken mind couldn’t even remember what his pockets were supposed to contain. So, he joined Lupin who was waiting for him just a tiny yard away.

Their eyes met, their hands joined.

Lupin’s car was parked behind the pub, in the corner of the parking lot. It was perfect, quiet, and all they needed to satiate their increasing hunger. Lupin pushed Sirius against the trunk of the old sedan and cupped his face, before pressing their lips together again. The bottle of vodka slipped from Sirius’ fingers and it shattered in a billion pieces by their feet, but neither minded the wet mess at their ankles. Neither checked their feet for pieces of glass. Neither even acknowledged the loss of their liquor when they could taste it on each other’s lips.

Lupin rutted his hips his own and the mere thought of his hard cock made Sirius moan his name. He touched anything he could touch, pulled Lupin flush against him as they kissed. He needed more. He needed skin. He needed ecstacy, fire, heat, sweat and to scream, scream out his years of loneliness.

Finally, Lupin started searching around his pockets for the key to his car. He was looking frantically, his wrinkly hands visibly shaking as he dug around and patted his clothes. Finally he found it, and unlocked the door. He opened the door for the backseats. He said, “Get in,” his voice raspy and low.

Sirius did as he was told, crawling into the car as gracefully as he could. Once he was at the other end, he pushed his shoes off and let Lupin crawl on top of him. He waited for Lupin to close the door, before he clutched his collar and pulled him into another kiss that could perhaps still his itching need to be touched. That feeling, the way his body trembled… Sirius decided that he was more alive than he had ever been.

Sirius’ hands ran up and down the sides of Lupin’s body as they kissed. He tugged at the sweater vest, which Lupin took off with the expected amount of struggle given the limited space they had. Sirius shrugged off his own jacket, loosened his tie, threw it in a direction he had forgotten immediately, and started unbuttoning his vest.

“Too much clothes,” Lupin growled.

“Working on that,” Sirius laughed nervously.

Lupin bent forward, and pulled him in a bruising kiss. He pulled on his hair, grinding their erections together as his other hand gripped his hips. “Faster.”

“Fucking-” Sirius got up on his elbows to take of his vest and before he knew it Lupin ripped open his shirt and bit down on his shoulder. Sirius’ hips bucked up to meet Lupin’s as he let out a strangled cry. His fingers tangled up in the brown/grey mess of Lupin’s hair as Lupin kissed down his chest, licked his nipples and nibbed at random pieces of skin. His body was on fire, burning. He was certain his neck and cheeks were cherry red even though his arms were covered in goosebumps. He bucked his hips up again when Lupin’s hand moved over his painful erection that was being strangled by the confines of his tight pants. Lupin undid his belt, button, and fly, before he pulled his trousers down. Sirius helped him by lifting his legs when he needed to and when he finally pulled them off his feet Sirius was confronted by the fact that he was stark naked, drunk, and in the backseat of his lover’s car like a sixteen year old, crazed bimbo, instead of an esteemed professor.

“Fuck,” Lupin breathed. He ran his hands up Sirius’ thighs and chest as he beheld him. His hand rested on Sirius’ throat, which he squeezed, watching Sirius struggle for breath. He flicked his tongue over Sirius’ lips, and smiled down at him. “Breathtaking.”

When he was let go, Sirius took a deep breath in, struggling to let his lungs get enough oxygen. His cock was leaking, though. He had never known what he needed before. Sirius gazed up, his breath still heavy. He waited for Remus to kiss him again, and when he did it was tender.

Lupin pressed Sirius’ legs up on his shoulders in a position both were surprised Sirius could still take at his age. Lupin’s fingers grazed his penis softly, before they wrapped around it in a lazy hold. He gave it a few pumps, making Sirius’ head lul back. His hand went down fast, perhaps too fast for Sirius’ taste. His fingers brushed over a hole that hadn’t been fucked in a few months. Sirius knew he would be tight, but he didn’t know how much Lupin would care. He took his hand back, to lick his finger, before circling it around his hole. He pressed it in swiftly, capturing Sirius’ lips with his as Sirius sighed a moan.

They kissed as Lupin’s long, thin finger stretched him, the arousal soon numbing his mind to the point that all he felt was the burning in the pit of his stomach. One finger became two, that sometimes curled up to make him cry the most beautiful of curses. Two fingers became three. Three fingers became a long, thick, veiny cock, that was spit on an ungodly amount of times before it was lined up with Sirius’ stretched hole. “Keep breathing,” Lupin whispered in his ear, as the tip slipped in. “Keep breathing… That’s it. A little more, honey. Fuck... Oh fuck!”

Sirius’ head curled back as he felt his arse stretch around Lupin’s shaft. A stifled moan left his throat and once Lupin’s entire cock was in he dropped one leg down beside Lupin’s body, and left the other one up on the seat. He pressed a kiss to Remus’ neck in affirmation.

“Yeah, you good?” Lupin whispered.

“Fuck, yes. Fuck me, Remus.”

As if on cue, he felt the cock being pulled back and slammed in again. Sirius cried out, fingers clinging onto the fabric of Lupin’s shirt. After a few shallow thrusts, Lupin began to speed up, letting the entire car rock with his pounding. As the fucking quickened, Sirius had to hold himself up with his hand against the glass, his arse being fucked so wonderfully he began seeing stars. Sirius screamed, and screamed, as Remus panted in his neck, singing praises. It didn’t take much more than the friction of Remus’ belly against his cock and the constant pounding against his prostate to send his cum spurting in between them.

Remus’ pained moans soon turned to growling. His thrusts became sloppier, faster, harsher, but he kept going and going, the pleasure taking over his body. Finally, he stopped, burying his cock inside Sirius a couple more times as he filled the hole with his seed. Sirius watched him come, watched him sigh his name, “Sirius..”, over and over again. Once it was over, Lupin lowered himself down, his limbs tangled with Sirius’.

They panted, in unison, held each other as if this was their final goodbye. When Lupin’s cock turned flaccid he sat up again and pulled his cock from Sirius’ abused hole. He wiped the cum off his cock with his handkerchief before cleaning Sirius as well and handing him his trousers back. “That was fantastic,” Lupin laughed.

“Fuck yes.” He dressed himself, though it was quite difficult with his exhausted body. He managed, eventually, and got out of the car with the help of Remus. He stood before him, smiling and looking downright ridiculous with his ruined shirt.

Remus lay his hand on the side of Sirius’ face, as if to take note of every detail. He smiled, lovingly, brushing his thumb over Sirius’ cheek. Lupin bit his lip. “I loved him against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be.”

“Dickens,” Sirius chuckled and leaned back against the trunk of Lupin’s car, folding one foot over the other. “Do you love me?”

“I don’t know if I do,” Lupin laughed, rolling his eyes. “I don’t know, since I barely know you, but I know that you...” He looked away, laughing nervously. “You seem to have the ability to brighten this- this dump of a parking lot- this underworld.”

Sirius took a shaky breath. He attempted to close his shirt once more, and said, “It takes two tango.”

“My God.” He bent down to kiss Sirius again, fiercely and pushed Sirius’ legs open to stand in between them. Once he pulled back, he lay his forehead against Sirius’, and sighed. “You are my death, Sirius.”

“Am I?”

“Yes.” Lupin lifted his head, and kissed him. He held onto him, gripping his face, his clothing, as if his life depended on that kiss. Finally they did part and they knew they shouldn’t be driving, but they both sat down in their own cars and drove home, after thanking God for sending them euphoria.

* * *

Days passed. They exchanged glances and were distracted by the mere thought of another rendez-vous. Sirius spent every night working at his office, hoping that Remus would come in, kiss him, and reignite him again. His life felt stuffy now that he had a taste of the divine. He wanted a love story, something that had never been given to him.

He didn’t speak to Remus again afterwards. He respected their distance, knowing Lupin was married and didn’t want a divorce. He understood. It wasn’t until one late Thursday night, where he was working in his office on the next day’s lecture, that he began hearing a-rhythmic ticks against the window. Of course, Sirius wasn’t stupid. He knew they were cobblestones. He rolled his eyes, smiling nevertheless, and approached the window where he saw Remus two stories below him. He looked awfully silly, with his hands full of cobblestones, trying to aim them properly. Sirius shook his head, smirking from ear to ear, and opened the window. “Evening!”

“Ah! Sirius, hello.” Remus swung his arms around, and took a step forward. “It might be a bit cheesy, but uhm… I felt like this was the right opportunity for it. Prepare yourself.” He rubbed his palms together and cleared his throat. “But soft! what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun. Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon who is already sick and pale with grief.”

“You’re mad!”

“You make me so!”

Sirius leaned against the window frame, shaking his head with a brightening smile. “What man art thou that thus bescreen’d in night so stumblest on my counsel?”

Remus gripped his hair, laughing in utter bliss. He stepped back, shaking his head. “Wait a moment, yes? I’ll come up.”

“Hurry.”

“I am.”

“Run! I have work to do.”

“Fine!”

Half a minute later, the door flew open. Lupin stalked in, pressed him against the window sill, and kissed him. He breathed in sharply, his hands clutching his jaw as he dove in for another kiss. Sirius pulled his body against his own, kissing back with the same hunger.

It lasted a good moment, before Remus pulled back and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. “Let me close the door.”

“Yes, do that.” Sirius said. He huffed a laugh, and glanced through the window. It was already deep in the night, something Remus had definitely done on purpose.

Remus closed the big, wooden door and slumped against it, still catching his breath. He ran his hand through his ash-blonde hair, and swallowed. “I came to tell you that I’m going to Stanford this saturday.”

“To Stanford?”

“Yes, they asked me to be a guest lecturer,” Remus explained. “I wanted you to know, so you wouldn’t worry, or think that I regretted it, because I did not. I did not regret it.”

“No?”

“God no. Did you?”

Sirius shook his head, and stood up from the window sill. “And now?”

“And now? Now I have to go back home, before my wife gets suspicious,” Lupin answered. “She senses these things.”

“Ah.” Sirius scoffed, rubbing the stubble on his chin. Of course. “I see.”

“Sirius-”

He held up his hand to silence him, and let the silence ring for a while. “I don’t blame you.”

“I will see you when I get back.” He walked over to Sirius, and lay his hands on his arms. “Sirius?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll see you when I get back,” he repeated. “I promise you that.” He tilted Sirius’ chin up, to kiss him so lightly it was almost like the brush of a feather across his lips.

“All right.”

“So beautiful…” After just a few more seconds, Remus stepped back. “Until then.”

“Good luck in Stanford.”

“Yes, thank you. Good night.”

“Good night.” Lupin closed the door again, and left him with his heart aching for more, for longer, to look at his amber eyes once more. Sirius didn’t run after him, though. He sat down at his desk, shoulders slumped, wondering if Remus spoke the truth, wondering if Remus really would return.

* * *

That he did. After a good six weeks, Lupin returned with a bit of a tan on his usually ivory skin. He looked vibrant, happy, simply radiating as he walked through the corridor where Sirius saw him. His clothing was less scruffy, his bags almost gone. He looked transformed. He looked healthy.

Their eyes met in the corridor, and Lupin flashed him a smile. Sirius returned it. Both of them walked on. Sirius waited all night for him, and the second night, and the third night after his arrival. He didn't show. His heart was growing heavier with the day, and finally he decided to put his pride aside and approach his lover himself.

He knocked on the door of Lupin’s office, and waited to hear his gorgeous voice call, “Come in!” He did. He pushed the door open, a little unsure of himself, and stepped inside.

“Professor Black,” he said. He was busy packing things. “How nice. Close the door, would you?”

So, Sirius did. “How was the trip?”

“Wonderful,” he answered. “Simply wonderful. Of course, the staff here is amazing, maybe better than that of Stanford, but they teach quite differently there. I loved it. I’m certain you’d love it, too.” Remus stopped packing a moving box, and put his hands on his hips. “I had been meaning to tell you, to come by.”

“Ah.”

“I got a job offer,” Lupin said. “I took it.”

Sirius remained silent. He blinked, dug his hands in his pockets. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you.” Lupin took a step in his direction. The smile had faded from his face, and instead there was pity written all over him. “I’m sorry. I need this. I need a change of scenery. I have worked here nearly twenty years, and this opportunity is too good for me to pass on. I’ve been standing still. I need this.”

“I get it.”

Lupin reached out, to tug a strand of hair behind Sirius’ ear, and sighed. “How very sorry I am.”

Sirius closed his eyes, and moved away from the touch. He couldn’t stand the pity. He couldn’t stand it at all. He stepped away from him, crossing his arms, as he looked at Lupin’s wall of bookcases. “When do you leave?”

“Little less than two months.”

“You have a house already?”

“I do.”

“I see. Will your wife join you?”

“She is my wife, and the mother of my child, so yes. She will join me.”

Sirius finally dared to look at him again, but it hurt him so that he turned around again. He approached the door, and lay his hand on the handle. “Goodbye,” he said, as he opened it.

“Sirius-”

He turned his head, choked up, and he knew he’d explode if he couldn’t leave soon.

“I’m sorry. I wish I could change things-”

“Then pick me. Pick me, for god's sake.”

“Sirius, I can’t-”

“I’d join you, you know?” he said. “I’d go with you. Say the word, and I’ll pack my things.”

Remus closed his eyes, his fingers pinching his nose bridge. “No.”

“Then I wish you well, Professor Lupin.”

Remus opened his eyes again, they were filled to the brim with tears, but Sirius closed the door and walked away from his love story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! Make sure to leave me some kudos, and do share your thoughts on this work. I'd love to hear them :))
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**Author's Note:**

> If you liked it, do whatever you want! Leave me some kudos, leave me a comment with your thoughts, or just ignore me. It's a free world, right? I do like it if you leave something behind, though. That's just me. Makes me happy.
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> I know! It's a mouthful, and a lot to remember.. I know, I know, but I swear I'm not creative enough to figure out something shorter. So, just go with it, alright? 
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> Thank you, for reading and bearing with me <3


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